TOPICAL HUMOR
by Dan O'Day

Headline: HOOTERS RESTAURANT OFFERS TO BUY VANGUARD AIRLINES A group headed by the owner of the Hooters restaurant chain offered to buy the assets of bankrupt Vanguard Airlines. Comment: Attention Passengers: In the event of a water landing, your flight attendant may be used as a flotation device. (contributed by Jerry Thomas) Headline: SCANDALS SPUR ACCOUNTING REVIVAL The scorn heaped on the accounting profession in the wake of a string of devastating corporate scandals in the United States does not appear to have discouraged a new generation of prospective bean counters. After suffering five years of steady declines, business schools across America report that enrollment in accounting courses has risen to levels not seen since the mid-1990s. Comment: Sure, if you want believe what those tricky University accountants tell us. (contributed by Jerry Thomas) Comment: That might explain this TV's newest "reality" show: ACCOUNTANTS GONE WILD! Watch as mobs of drunken accounting majors cavort through the streets of Albany, New York, wantonly loosening their neckties for the cameras... (contributed by Jerry Thomas) Headline: U.S. SAYS IT CAN FIGHT TERROR, IRAQ The Associated Press reports that the Bush administration insists that the U.S. military can simultaneously fight terrorism and confront Iraq. Comment: President Bush was quoted as saying, "Hey, if I was able to learn how to chew and walk gum at the same time, why can't we fight terrorism and confront Iraq at the same time?" Headline: POLITICIAN TOPS HANDSHAKE RECORD Bill Richardson, the Democratic candidate for Governor of New Mexico, put his right hand on ice after eclipsing a handshake record set in 1907 by President Theodore Roosevelt. Richardson's new mark of 13,392 for an eight-hour period went well beyond the Roosevelt record of 8,513 handshakes set at the White House. Comment: First, let me make it clear that I don't know anything all about Bill Richardson. But if he's a typical politician, then I wouldn't be surprised to learn that on that same day 13,392 people reported having their pockets picked, too. Headline: UNCOUNTED VOTES FOUND IN FLORIDA According to the Associated Press, election workers in Broward County, Florida, have found uncounted votes from last week's primary, though officials didn't say how many. The votes were found in a precinct that first reported no votes. Comment: You know what I really love about all this? Sure as shootin', when George W. Bush leaves the White House, you just know his brother, Jeb, will run for President -- promising to bring the same high level of democracy to all of America that he's presided over in Florida. Headline: SWITZERLAND TO JOIN UNITED NATIONS Comment: Well, THAT'S a relief ... as long as they stick to pledge never to use yodeling for evil purposes. Topical Humor archives. SAVE BIG ON THIS MORNING SHOW/COMEDY PACKAGE COMEDY PRODUCTION DISCS GOLD PACKAGE Save a WHOPPING $97 when you buy these four MORNING SHOW COMEDY/PRODUCTION COMEDY essentials! DORK-A-PELLAS DORK-A-PELLAS, VOLUME TOO! MORNING MADNESS SILLY SHOW SPONSORS Click here to order! ©2002 Dan O'Day. For one-time, LOCAL on-air use by visitors to this page only; all other forms of reproduction are strictly prohibited.