#37

SINCE LAST WE SPOKE...

1. I lost my luggage cart at the airport in Wisconsin. When I arrived, it was raining, and I recall struggling to maneuver all of my stuff to the car rental shuttle bus. Somehow I managed to leave my trusty cart behind. Yes, I did check with the airports Lost & Found prior to returning to Los Angeles. Yes, they did have a luggage cart that someone had lost. No, it wasn't mine.

2. During this trip, I had been reading IN EVIL HOUR by Gabriel García Márquez. Márquez is a spell-binding yet demanding author; he requires the reader's full concentration. (His 100 YEARS OF SOLITUDE wins my vote for World's Greatest Novel.) As I settled into my airline seat for the flight to Chicago (which would connect to a second flight to L.A.), I was proud to have completed the first half of the book.

The following Sunday I flew from Los Angeles to Chicago and then to Peoria, where the next morning I was to present THE TOTAL QUALITY SERVICE RADIO STATION for Wally Gair and the Illinois Broadcasters Association. (This was my sixth time working with Wally and the IBA.) The convention was held at the Pere Marquette Hotel, a local landmark. I figured that for dinner I'd have my usual lonely Room Service club sandwich (or, in a rare moment of luxury, perhaps a chicken stir fry). But from the moment I stepped into the hotel, I was flooded with advertising for their Carnegie Restaurant: Menus posted in the lobby, in the elevator, everywhere... along with awards and rave reviews the restaurant had garnered.

I read the menu. Gee, some pretty good sounding dishes here. Maybe I'll actually order a real dinner for a change. In fact, I'm going to do just that! I deserve a little pampering now and then.

So I went downstairs to the restaurant....only to discover that it's closed on Sundays. (None of their in-hotel advertising mentioned that.) So it was back to my room for some...yep, stir-fry chicken.

The next morning, prior to the seminar, I went to the hotel's coffee shop - which also provided the Room Service food. I explained that I would be conducting a seminar until Noon and would have to leave for the airport at 12:45, and I would like to arrange for a club sandwich to be delivered to my room at 12:00.

"We don't take pre-orders," the coffee shop woman said.

"Well, if I wait until 12:00 to place the order, by the time it arrives I'll have to leave for the airport."

"Well, we don't take pre-orders. If you want, I can write it down, but there's no guarantee you'll get it on time."

I asked for the name of the hotel manager, went to his office, and explained the situation.

"That shouldn't be any problem at all, Mr. O'Day. I'll be happy to take care of that for you."

Now, why do I bother sharing this story? Because on the wall of the manager's office was a large "Mission Statement" to the effect that the hotel staff is dedicated to doing "everything we can" to make their guests' visits enjoyable. The mission statement was adorned with dozens of signatures; I assume they were signatures of hotel employees. But although the mission statement was on all the wall, signed by all the employees, that message was NOT lived up to by their Room Service manager.

Ironically, the seminar I gave that morning was all about Customer Service. I see this all too often - inside and outside of radio stations: A fine-sounding mission statement but no systems in place to make sure the company lives up to its promise.

The manager, by the way, was quite nice. And my sandwich was waiting for me when I got back to my hotel room.

After an uneventful taxi ride to Peoria Airport, I entered the ticket area to discover a very long line of people in front of the United Airlines counter. Peoria is a small airport, and the last thing I expected to find was a long line of travellers.

While standing in line, I heard someone mention "cancelled flight." I went up to check the board and, sure enough, my flight to Chicago had been cancelled...with the next flight scheduled more than three hours later. This meant, I assumed, that everyone who was supposed to be on my flight would be bumped to the later flight...IF there were enough seats available. Because my flight from Chicago to Peoria the day before had been crowded, it seemed likely that some of us would not make that one, either.

So I did what travel experts always recommend: I left the long line of customers and headed for a pay phone, from which I called United Airlines. Sure enough, they were able to get me on the later flight... even snagging the exact seat I wanted. (If you ever find yourself flying on an ATP - a small prop-jet - I recommend seat 1B. It's the only seat on the plane with any leg room.)

The following week featured the kind of productive schedule I especially like: On Tuesday morning, I presented HOW TO CRITIQUE RADIO TALENT for Patterson Broadcasting's Managers Meeting here in Los Angeles. Then it was off to the airport for a flight to Seattle, where on Wednesday I presented THE TOTAL QUALITY SERVICE RADIO STATION for the Washington State Broadcasters Association's annual convention. This was my first opportunity to work with Mark Allen, and I'm happy to say I was invited to return to that venue in 1998, too, to present a different broadcast management seminar. And then on Wednesday I presented HOW TO CREATE RADIO COMMERCIALS THAT SELL! for American Radio Systems. This was my second time working with Fred Schumacher; I had spent a couple of days with the programming and sales staffs of KMPS several years ago.

December, 1997: Another travel-filled month. First there was a quick trip to Traverse City, Michigan, to conduct my AIR PERSONALITY PLUS+ seminar for Ross Biederman' s Midwestern Broadcasting. The highlight of this trip came on the flight back to Los Angeles from Chicago. Our flight attendant was a real funny guy. At least, he was convinced he was. And to prove it, he stood over me and insisted on telling me the dumbest, lamest jokes imaginable. After each lame joke, he then would lean past me to repeat it for my seatmate.

My last trip of the year brought me back to Europe (first England, then two cities in Germany). It began with an overnight flight from Los Angeles to London. I realize that many people assume that we business people travelling alone on international business are constantly tempted by chance meetings with glamourous members of the opposite sex. Here is the reality:

When I checked in for the flight, I asked if the seat next to me was vacant. The airline employee checked the computer and said, "Yes, it is. Would you like me to place a block on it for you?"

You bet I would. This meant that unless the cabin sold out, the seat next to mine would remain empty for the entire trip to London. We frequent flyers become very territorial.

Ninety minutes later I boarded the plane and went directly to my seat. To my great surprise, comfortably ensconced in the seat next to mine was a very attractive, exotic-looking young woman.

She looked up and gave me a big, welcoming smile.

And despite all my years of attempts at civilization, I immediately became aware of an instinctual, primal response welling up inside me:

"Damn it! That seat was supposed to be empty!"

And I didn't talk to the beautiful, exotic young woman once during the entire 10-hour flight.

My first stop was Harlow, England, where Paul Chantler had arranged for me to present AIR PERSONALITY PLUS+ for the crew of Essex Radio. Upon my arrival, Paul took me out for a very traditional (and tasty) English dinner of chicken & chestnut pie. Suddenly I realized where we Americans get our "pot pie" tradition.

Someone on that 10-hour flight from Los Angeles must've had a flu bug (and subsequently shared it with the rest of the passengers), because I awoke the next morning with a terrible, debilitating cough.

I hacked my way through the morning sessions of the seminar and decided to forego lunch in favor of an impromptu visit to a local medical clinic, where a Dr. Singh prescribed some heavy-duty medication for me. Oddly, when I began the afternoon sessions I already felt much better...even though there hadn't yet been enough time for the medicine to take effect. I truly think the genuine sympathy and concern I was receiving from the Essex Radio attendees sent some sort of healing message to my soul (and throat).

That evening, I accompanied Paul and three of his programme controllers to The Gables, a lovely old, charming restaurant. With the seminar-induced adrenalin supply suddenly shut off, I wasn't in the best physical condition. But it nonetheless was a very pleasant way to mark the end of my stay in Essex.

The next day I flew to Hamburg, Germany. After collecting my luggage, I found myself stymied by an escalator that was motionless. Yes, I could have walked up the motionless escalator, but to do so while pulling my luggage cart behind me would have proven difficult. I looked around in vain for an elevator and then, resignedly, trudged to an airport information counter and said, "The escalator seems to be broken. How do I get upstairs?"

"No, it's not broken," I was told. "Just step onto it, and it will begin to move."

An escalator that moves only when someone steps onto it? Makes perfect sense, but I had never heard of that before.

After solving the mystery of the non-moving escalator, I made my way to arriving passengers' greeting area, where Delta Radio's Maren Hasenpath was waiting to drive me on the hour's journey to the town of Kiel. (This was a return visit to Delta Radio, arranged by Adam Hahne.) Checking into the Hotel Berliner Hof that evening, I discovered to my dismay the hotel did not have a restaurant. So I bundled up and braved the bitterly cold Kiel winter evening, looking for a place to eat. The only place I could find whose menu I could interpret was, alas, a McDonald's.

My perfect evening was capped off by several frustrating hours in my hotel room, trying unsuccessfully to connect to Compuserve (for some reason always a challenge in Germany).

The following morning I worked with Delta Radio's morning show; after lunch I presented POWER PHONES to the entire air staff. Then it was back to Hamburg, where I spent another evening in another hotel swearing at Compuserve and the German telephone system. At the instigation of Ina Tenz, the programming staffs of FFN, Radio Hamburg, and Antenne MV met the following day for my AIR PERSONALITY PLUS+ seminar. At the end of the day, Rick Demarest gave me a ride back to Hamburg Airport; I flew to London, spent the night at an airport hotel, and flew back home the following day...just in time to unpack and then pack again for the annual family trip to Connecticut for the holidays.